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“I was born and raised in a Christian home with high Christian values. I was quite stubborn and always wanted to have fun but my dad – being an elder in Christ Apostolic Church – made growing up a little less fun for me. He never allowed us to go out to visit friends but whenever he was out, I always found a way visiting my friends and it always got him incensed.
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I lost my mum in 1998 before I gained admission into secondary school. Ever since my mum died, my dad buried himself in work and hardly had my time. He later remarried a wonderful woman who has been so supportive. She taught me so many things I know today.
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I didn’t gain admission immediately into the University immediately I finished secondary school in 2005 so I decided to work so I could save money for school. I worked at a communications company for one and a half years and then I gained admission in 2007, to University of Ilorin.
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Going to the university gave me the freedom I had always longed for. I stayed off campus from my 100 level days. I got carried away by youthful exuberance, ignored my studies to hang out with my fun-loving friends. I just wanted to enjoy life.
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After having series of abortion (I wouldn’t advise anyone to go through an abortion. It will hunt you for life), I got pregnant again at the age of 17. I didn’t even know I was pregnant till I was 17 weeks gone. I decided to go to the hospital to abort the baby. The doctor explained in details, the options I had. He told me how I couldn’t have D&C because it was dangerous at 17 weeks but I had the option of D&E (which could either be successful or not) or being given an injection which would induce labour and I’d give birth to a stillborn.
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I went back home confused and dejected. Back then – in 2008 – abortion was quite affordable. I could get it done for #2,000 and forget about it. I was still in school and I didn’t have a job – how could I take care of myself and a child? I was at crossroads and I decided to ask God for guidance. I prayed hard for help and strength. I decided to keep the baby.
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School was on break but I couldn’t go home despite several calls from my dad asking me to come down and spend the break at home. I knew I had to go home at some point for fees and if my dad found out I was pregnant, he was going to kill me.”
“My plan was to go to my mother’s village in Iseyin to have the baby and once the baby was strong enough to be left alone, I would go back to school or defer the academic session. That was my grand plan but God had other plans. He brought so many helpers into my life. Even in my unfaithfulness, He was faithful.
There was a sister I met back then in school who helped me a lot with cash gifts to take care of myself. I implored her and some other people to go help talk to my father. They met him in church and told him about my pregnancy. To my astonishment, my father said he wasn’t interested in seeing my living or dead body.
I was hurt and mad at him then because I didn’t fully understand the gravity of what I had done. But now, I realize it was out of love and disappointment. My father didn’t want to send me to school because he wasn’t really educated but when he saw my passion for education, the way I worked hard to save for higher institution, he decided to support me. I really hurt him with my actions – he had high hopes for me as I’m the only graduate in my family.
I made a decision to tell my step mum about the pregnancy. She was also disappointed but she promised not to abandon me. She started sending #2,000 to me every month till I gave birth. I gave birth in 2008, at the age of 18. Initially, I left my son at an orphanage for foster care. I paid them to take care of him till I finished my studies and handed him over to my step mum.
My step-mum stepped in to relieve me of the stress by taking care of my son from the age of two and a half years. She fought my father on my behalf because she insisted on taking care of my child.
It wasn’t easy at the beginning. I had to do some odd jobs, washed clothes for my mates in school so I could have food to eat. I didn’t live right too. I had to sleep with men at some point for money. The fellowship I was attending in school then also helped by providing food stuffs once in a while. My studies suffered and I couldn’t graduate with my mates. I had carry-overs, an extra year, lost some of my friends and finished with a 3rd class. Eventually in 2011, I went for the mandatory youth service and left my son with my parents.
After NYSC, I got a job as a PTA teacher in GCI where I worked for 2months. My salary was #15,000 and I had a son to take care of. I enrolled him in a school I could afford. It wasn’t the best but he was in school. Everyone in my family became my son’s lesson teachers. We all took turns in tutoring him with the little we knew. I bought him clothes from clearance sales, got him hand-made school bags that would last a while. I didn’t have enough but I made him my priority.
“In 2013, I got a new contract job with other benefits and an increment in salary. I was living better; I changed my son’s school to a better one and upgraded the things I started getting him.
I’m presently in Abuja and my son is still with my parents. I always travel down to spend as much time as I can with him. He is now a source of joy to my parents and everyone around him. He will be in JSS 3 next year and I plan to bring him to Abuja to start our lives together finally as a single mother. I still have to put so many things in place but I know God is faithful.
It’s been a rough journey. Terrible experience considering all I had to go through. My parents didn’t take it easy with me and my siblings were not even ready to help. But God helped me through it all. I have been a single mother for 13years and honestly, I wouldn’t want anyone to go through the same rough path. I was robbed of my teenage years and now, I have to neglect my youthful years because I have a responsibility. Before I think of myself, my son comes first in everything I do.
Being a mother is something one should be spiritually, mentally and physically prepared for. I didn’t even know I had to pray for my son till much later. There are so many beautiful moments I missed with him – when he started walking, talking etc. And days when I couldn’t afford to pay his school fees, God raised helpers from friends to family members.
If you decide to keep your baby, God will always find a way to take care of you and the child. He won’t give you more than you can handle. And if you don’t want the baby, give birth to the child and hand him over to an orphanage.
I would advise the society and parents to create an atmosphere of love in the home. It is broken people that go out there to seek love. Love can also heal the pain and hurt. It was the love my step mum showed me with the friends God brought my way, that healed me. All that love helped improve my self-esteem because when my dad rejected me, I was broken; but now we live in peace and harmony as one happy family.
Teach your kids sex education while they are young and call things by their names. I didn’t know a lot of things while growing up till I got exposed in the university. I was molested as a kid and I tried to tell my dad about it but he never had my time. Always give your kids listening ears as communication matters a lot in every family. Families who have strong and healthy communication skills can weather significant challenges and remain intact.”
📸: thatselby/Unsplash
